Disconnect From Myself
I’ve always been a tomboy. As a kid, my interests were different from the girls around me—and I loved that about myself. But as I got older, I felt my identity constantly shifting, shedding layers that never really reflected who I was inside. I moved through different phases that mirrored darker energies—ones that kept me distant from my softer, more intuitive self.
What I’ve learned is this: it’s okay to have different tastes, to be multifaceted, and to let yourself evolve. The more I’ve leaned into self-discovery, the more confident I’ve become. I’ve explored new styles, expressed myself in new ways, and started syncing my outward appearance with who I am inside.
Getting in touch with my femininity has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. It’s helped me feel like I am constantly evolving into the woman I was always meant to be.
What Femininity Means to Me
Femininity is deeply personal. For some, it means full glam—hair, makeup, nails. For others, it might mean softness, flow, or simply presence. And for some, it’s not something they identify with at all—and that’s okay too.
For me, femininity isn’t about keeping up with trends or dressing a certain way. It’s about letting my softness show and allowing the outside to reflect the nurturing, empathetic energy I’ve always carried within.
Growing up, I masked that softness with substances, alcohol, and addiction. I didn’t want the world to see the real me because I had already felt so rejected—by circumstances, by people, by my own internal pain. I moved around a lot as a kid, and without a strong maternal figure to guide me through the traditional rites of passage like learning how to do makeup or navigate puberty. I often felt lost, like I was missing something.
I envied women, sometimes in ways I didn’t fully understand. I was the “floating friend,” bouncing between social groups, never quite rooted. While some amazing people stayed with me through thick and thin, I also shut many people out because I didn’t want to change.
I leaned into masculine energy—partying with men who could keep up with my drinking, dating or friends with people I wanted to fix instead of being cared for. I poured myself into relationships that drained me, holding on too tightly out of fear, pride, and an unwillingness to let life evolve.
Underneath it all, I felt unlovable. And so I stayed in a cycle of self-pity and depression, not realizing that I had the power to choose differently.
Why It Felt Inaccessible
There was a long chapter of my life where femininity felt completely out of reach. Addiction, toxic relationships, and emotional survival mode stripped me of my softness. I was always the caretaker, always trying to change others so they could love me the way I needed.
But the truth was, I needed to learn how to love and care for myself first. I didn’t set boundaries. I didn’t protect my peace. I let people drain me because I was too afraid to let go.
It wasn’t until I moved about a year and a half ago and fully committed to inner work that I began to reclaim that part of me. I started healing. I started creating a life that felt like mine. And I started to see that femininity wasn’t something I had to earn or perform—it was something already within me, waiting to be nurtured.
What Reconnection Looks and Feels Like
Today, getting in touch with my femininity means making choices that reflect love, softness, and intention.
I allow myself to wear leggings and a messy bun with acne on display on one day—and feel sexy and powerful in a cute outfit the next. I feel proud when I learn new ways to style my hair or create Pinterest outfit boards that reflect how I feel.
I’m also more mindful with money. I don’t feel the need to chase overpriced brands or constantly consume. I can feel good about finding an affordable version of something I love.
I also protect my energy. I’ve set boundaries with social media so I don’t fall into comparison traps. I’m aware now of how much influence it can have, and I no longer let others’ curated lives overshadow my own reality.
And most importantly—I embrace emotional vulnerability. I’ve learned to receive support, to cry when I need to, to rest, to honor my needs. This reconnection has brought me empowerment, peace, sensuality, and joy.
Challenges of Finding Myself
This journey hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to confront the shame I once felt around softness and vulnerability. I internalized messages that femininity was weakness, that being emotional meant I wasn’t strong or capable.
I had to unlearn the belief that femininity meant being submissive or passive. In truth, it’s powerful. It’s strength in flow. It’s softness that doesn’t break. And for someone like me—who spent years masking, numbing, and controlling—it’s been a radical act of self-love to return to that space.
Why This Healing Matters
Reconnecting with my femininity has transformed every part of my life. It’s helped me grow in recovery, deepened my relationships, boosted my self-esteem, and opened up my creative spirit.
I’ve built a more compassionate relationship with myself—one rooted in grace, not pressure. I’m no longer trying to be perfect. I’m learning to be whole.
This journey is ongoing, and I know I’ll continue to evolve. But for now, I’m just grateful to feel more like me—a woman who is soft and strong, grounded and free, healing and whole.
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